lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
And love that never fails
Let mercy fall on me
When everyone needs forgiveness
Kindness of the Saviour
The Hope of the nation
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender
Shine a light in and
let the whole world see
Singing, for the glory of the risen king
Jesus, Shine a light and
let the whole world see
Singing for the glory of the risen king
Saturday, July 05, 2008
-12:20 PM
Been way too long since I have entered anything on this blog. So much so that my tagboard has expired due to the inactivity and I am too lazy to reapply for one.
Anyways, things have been the usual, to sum it up. And yet they haven't. Am getting very tired with a lot of shit happening, and the frustrations of everyday life are getting to me. Just wish that there is an easier way to resolve how some things are. Work is starting to pile up, with there being a huge load of preparations for the SAF day reception next month. Does not help matters that we receive lectures almost every day, certainly does not do anything to boost our already wavering morale. But frankly, am getting numb to all this crap, am just attempting to live my life and concentrate on my work, is the only way to survive I suppose. Just am too tired, not with everything that I am going through on a personal level as well.
Am going home for a while next friday. Anticipation is there, but reality always bites with the incessant reminder of how little time there is left, how that when I return I will have to work my butt off to get everything done on time. Now have to try to complete as much as I can, but there are just too many restrictions and all. Haiz, am trying my best, but ya, some things and issues are just beyond my control.
Other than that, things have not exactly been smooth sailing, with there being some issues with my health. Been ill recently, and plagued by chest pains. Went to the doctor, who took my ECG and said that I have something called ST elevation. And that, according to my mum is like a symptom of a mild heart attack. Talk about shocks. Wow, was kinda weirded out about it, but what could I do. Was referred to the hospital, where I had a first hand taste of how inefficient this country can be. Spent almost an entire day there, and emerged not knowing anything better. Apparently I am in fine condition, so ya, no idea what is wrong with me. Am going back again for an echo later, hopefully will not have anything disturbing. Knda apprehensive though.
Am quite tired now, did not have a good night. Shall adjourn for now, pray for me, will keep you all updated. Stay in touch.
Monday, May 26, 2008
-7:18 PM
Do rough patches necessarily help a relationship grow stronger? Does telling the truth all the time actually benefits a relationship? There are other pertinent questions racing through my mind now, just had to throw some of them out. Won't explicitly say why these issues are plaguing me, just that they have crossed my mind these couple of days. Perhaps it is how they always say, when you are in a relationship, you cannot live with each other, but you also cannot live without each other. Ironies and paradoxes of life. But yes, I do realise, and also was talking to Wee Kim about related issues, the longer you know a person, and the closer you get to know a person, you tend to notice their flaws, and as much as you try, they tend to get in the way. Somehow, the more obvious the flaws become, the more irked you get, and soon it becomes an issue in the relationship. Is it truly that difficult for one to accept another fully and wholeheartedly for who that person is? Or is it just human nature for us to pick faults and find all the imperfections in each other? That is questions that I have to answer for myself, and will always be searching through my entire life.
Was thinking about somethings in my life, and thought, maybe it is time for me to really take charge and get things going. No point always paying lip service and all, having mere thoughts and not having the balls to execute them. So ya, time for me to be more resolute and take control, will take time and I know I'll slip at times, but hey, at least I know I am trying and making an effort. Cannot afford to let myself go too much, not after all I have worked for.
The cycle continues, the person changes, but the issues remain. Hopefully, this time around, things might end up differently. But the optimism I have seems short-lived, guess it is up to me to sustain it. I thank God for everything, and I thank you, if you know who you are, for everything you have been to me. I know things will be better. We will be stronger.
Do I really?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
-8:38 PM
Have not been in the best of moods and all lately, think I am going through my usual bout of mood swings and emotional lows. Haiz, wish I can fully express how I am feeling and all, but it seems impossible to let words encompass all that is going on within me. Am thankful for the people around me, but sometimes think I get affected by them a little too much. Should learn to steel myself more, and be the "hard-hearted bitch some people claim themselves to be. Then again, is not me to do that. Wish there is a way for everything to be resolved, and that "there is a way to be good again". Haha, such cliched quotes. Nothing much I wish to say, just needed to unload a little, guess shall be off to ocupy myself with something, and not let my mind idle and start thinking a little too much. Goodnight.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
-8:10 PM
Once again, I have resurfaced to pen my occasional entry in the dormant blog of mine. I truly wonder which of you has actually sustained the interest to continually check back and see if I have written. I shall not dwell too much on the little minutiae of my life, those small nitty gritties which frankly aren't of much human interest anyway. haha.
It is kinda hard to describe the state of my life now, to express full optimism or pessimism would be a tad too much, guess i'm falling somewhere in between. Ambivalent isn't it, then again, I always have been, seems I fall in limbo a little too often. Not that it is exactly a bad thing. Then again...haha, am falling into the same pitfall.
Workwise it has been busy, each day brings forth a packed itinerary and there never seems to be enough time to complete everything. But then again, am finding enjoyment in my work, despite having to brave the certain potential dangers and getting downright filthy, there is an element of fun and satisfaction when one sees the fruit of one's labour.
Physically, have not exactly been in the best of forms. back injury has recurred and does not seem to be letting up anytime soon. Am really frustrated with the way it is hindering me and all, really hope that there is something that can be done once and for all, to eradicate this plaguing issue.
Emotionally, it has been trying, to say the least. Admit that much of it has been self inflicted, I just never seem to learn. The same mistakes, it is always the same mistakes. Haiz. I just pray that I can get it into me this time, to not blow it like the others, to really make this time work.
I need the time, I need the strength. The self-hate never leaves, always lurking in some deep recess of my being, never completely releasing its grip on my heart.
It takes a lot of self control to not let things overwhelm you and get caught in the whirlwind of things. Good things come in small packages but misery loves company. One always loses sight of the good in the light of the bad, we tend to forget all the grace in our lives when met with trial. Am attempting my best to note and be thankful for the little blessings, the little nuances in my life that I usually overlook, but frankly is not easy especially when the sheer onslaught of living gets to you. Am grateful for the people around me though, who ground me and occasionally provide the necessary admonition to give me a reality check. Cannot really say am happy with all the relationships around me, but then again, we all have the little irks of life, gotta learn to live with it. I am trying, but sometimes maybe it just isn't enough. Do wish some people would forgive though. haiz.
Enough of my musings, time to have some personal time, perhaps indulge a little. Until the next time. Adieu.
It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all.
Monday, April 14, 2008
-9:02 PM
I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Phil. 4:11.
I can only pray that I can achieve that.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
-7:26 PM
ok, this is a long overdue entry. So I have returned from my home leave and life returns to normal, or as normal as life here can be. Life overall has been average thus far, can't say that it has been bad, nor has it been fantastic. Am upset with a lot of shit here, but am trying to swallow it and not let it get to me. Got a little upset when start to see more people leave from here, haiz realise that when I leave will have seen most of everyone that was here leave already. but well, life has to go on.
nothing much to say, just getting lazy to update this blog. talk to me if u wanna know more about the state of my life. haha. take care peeps.
Friday, February 29, 2008
-12:38 AM
Ok, just a short entry, really tired now to even do anything. just arrived home a few hours ago, back for a short while. just wanna rest and get back in focus, getting my life back in order. hope that this period will be good and all. let's just say things did not go on a right foot. so kinda upset abt stuff, but nvm. praying for a better day tmr.
to you who made a difference in my life: i won't say too much, most of what i have to say has been said or written to u. just dunno why u always can affect me so. haiz. i wish u can just talk to me. or am i asking too much? when it comes to u, i am at a loss.
